I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
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