I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
