I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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