and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
