Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
