He asked to "fluff my boner.."
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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