Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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