Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
