It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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