The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
