I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
