none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Randomize
