i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
