I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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