just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
