He felt like a one man threesome
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
