you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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