the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
