Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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