We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
40s are totally the cure
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
