remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
