Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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