my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
