The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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