Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
