i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
