omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
