I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
