I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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