So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
