I hate all girls vehemently.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
