I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize