Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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