i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
