I'm gonna have a badass scar
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
