1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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