apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize