There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
