I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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