I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
