Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
