Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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