My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
