Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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