yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
