thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
