I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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