White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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