they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
