just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
