Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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