Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
