I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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