My friends, they love my intelligence
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
