i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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