ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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