I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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