he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
