I just made out with a guy for $7.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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