Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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