You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
