I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
