She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize