either way he was missing a nipple.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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