Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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