i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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