It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Are my feet made of real feet?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
