our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
