I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
never play flip cup with pint glasses
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
