She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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