Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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