i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
